As I stood in the parking lot swirling with emotion trying to regain semblance to my day let alone my life, the cool breeze caught my attention. I felt like the Tasmanian devil had just tore through my home and heart ransacking the place. Nothing in his path was left untouched. Furniture was turned upside down, artwork torn, papers laying everywhere, a cloud of dirt and dust thickly covered the air, and fragile artifacts lay in broken pieces. The stark sudden awareness of reality stared deeply into the eyes of my soul. Gone was the glimmer of hope this would be short lived. This. Was. Life. Everyone around me likely knew before I did. I’m not sure for how long or how many knew; if any.
In that moment I had a choice to make. What would my move be. What was the next right thing. How would I respond. Bitter. Angry. Disconnected. Frustrated. Shutdown. Or, would I choose different. Forgiveness. Love. Connected. Motivated. Faith. Trust.
As the cool fall breeze blew gently across my cheek it caught my attention. I put one foot in front of the other and headed across the parking lot with a new commitment to life. A life that was dedicated to seeking Jesus Christ first though come what may in this life. I would seek him so hard with a desperation that my soul would say, it is well.
I would love to tell you that my commitment came without sacrifice, but it didn’t. The determination I had to seek first no matter what came my way took a sacrifice in my part. A willingness to seek when I hurt, felt joy, understood, didn’t understand, in times of sorrow, and in times of comfort. I had to submit myself in the weakest moments of this journey to my God to discover the strength he then becomes in circumstances that would break nearly anyone’s grieving heart.
Oh but he is so good. I have experienced joy when it doesn’t make sense. Felt peace that is otherwise unexplainable. Been comforted when mourning overwhelmed. Found strength to put one foot in front of the other when I was too weak to crawl. Seen the mighty hand of God when circumstances seemed of sure defeat. I’ve had the deepest desires of my heart from the innermost corners that I’ve not even muttered aloud; answered.
The journey to finding more of Christ and less of ourselves takes action on our part. I’ve learned that a passive relationship with Jesus is comfortable requiring little from me. He’s good like that. His mercy is new each day sweetened with grace in love for every single one of us even when we passively seek him. How precious is our God. Friend, if you’re looking for more then you will have to get active. Actively in pursuit of an intimate relationship with Christ not only as your Savior but as your Lord.
Then, your soul will say, it is well.
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Matthew 6:33 NIV
Bobbie
