My mind is racing with a million distractions even as I sit with intentional focus feebly making an attempt to be yours. Just for a few moments. All yours. Yet, try as I may, I fail to focus.
I don’t know where to begin. So much is going on. I’m pulled in a hundred directions even just in this next 10 minutes that I have carved out for you.
How can you be so tolerant of my flaws. After you have waited with long suffering for a few moments of my attention. Still, as I sit here, my mind is wandering despite my own frustration for the wander.
So, I will sit, as I begin to talk to you, sharing all of my worries, fears, hurts, and frustration. Although I sing your praises my heart feels numb and mundane. I say the words yet the emotional attachment to them feels void. My desire is for passion with pursuit of you. Yet, I’m falling short once again. So, I will sit, as I begin to talk to you, sharing my admiration, awe, love, and desire. Slowly, the feeling returns. My heart begins to soften to you. Warmth of your presence covers me. Peace comes in. Closeness. I feel you. I long for you. To hear your still small voice gently call me home. Where I find rest for my weary soul. Refreshed in your presence. Restored by your love. All the things I desire, but do not deserve, your mercy, yet again, provides. Oh how good you are to me. Better than I deserve.
My first love. My deepest desire. My whole heart. My soul is now complete.
My love for you is nonnegotiable. When the feeling has left, love remains. At times this love is a choice. I must choose to continue to pursue even when I am pursuing from the barren place.
Mountain highs or valley lows, your love remains faithful, so, I, will remain faithful to you.
Your goodness is unchanging even when life turns upside down, so, I, will remain faithful to you.
Your relentless pursuit of my heart is worthy of honor, so, I, will remain faithful to you.
The perfect gentleman you are quietly loves while I make my own choices, some of which cause you great suffering, so, I, will remain faithful to you.
My deepest desire is to please you by honoring your ways which are higher than mine, so, I, will remain faithful in obedience to you.
Jesus, today, I choose you. Above all else. More than any one thing on this earth. Long after the feeling fades. Faithfulness is what you freely give despite my abundant supply of flaws so faithfulness is what I will return to you. My first love.
Friend, love is more than a feeling. It is a choice. At times, we lean too far into our flesh on a pursuit of self satisfaction instead of selfless service to the one who redeemed us with his great love, while we were yet in sin. Today, I want to encourage you, to choose faithful love to the only true love you’ll ever know. Jesus Christ.
“Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.”
Matthew 22:37-38 NLT
