I have this breath taking deep ache in my chest. Somewhere behind the hollow pit that fills the space where my heart once beat. If I succumb to the pain I’m not sure what happens next. Where do I go from here. How will I come back. Can I come back.
This hurt runs deep. Deep like a river. A river with sharp rocks hidden just under the current. They cut me when I float by. Some of the current pulls swifter than others. As I approach the waterfall over a ledge ahead, I’m moving quickly. So quickly yet I feel like I’m in slow motion. I can see the edge but can’t see what lies just beyond. The jagged edges of the rock bed have torn my raft a few places and left behind some bruising. Enough to remind me the pain is there as I wear the scars.
And here I am, on the edge. I can see the waters flowing rapidly where the drop off begins but I can’t quite see the height of the drop. The anticipation of the fall is overwhelming. How far down will I fall? What will I land on? A boulder. A peaceful calm pool of refreshing water. Crashing waves that will plunge me deep into the unknown. Where the light disappears and the water runs cold. How is the view from there. Is it serene and picturesque. Calming. Peaceful. Is the waterfall a beautiful view with the steady smooth sound of waves I can enjoy from behind. Or is it crashing and dangerous. From here I can’t tell.
I’ll have to get closer. I’ll have to let go and take the plunge. Bruised. Scarred. Cut. Scared. Hurting. Hollow ache in my chest where my breath must be stuck because I can’t breathe. Not even a full breath. They’re stuttered and shallow. Do I get out of the raft and dive in. Or hold on tightly hoping this torn and tattered raft carries me once more to safety.
Choose. I’ll have to choose. The next right thing.
As we navigate some of the most difficult and painful decisions of our life we are often left feeling tattered, bruised, and torn. Torn between two paths. Which path will lead us in the right direction. Which choice lands us safely in the calming waters on the other side of the decision. Will bring healing. Allows for comfort. Yields joy. Compassionately displays the love that’s so desperately felt and needed. Which one. Because right now, all I see is a cliff I’m about to fall off.
We don’t know. We make our best guess and hope it works. But we don’t know.
Thankfully, we have a God who does know. A loving God willing to give guidance as we navigate the choices before us. Even the most desperate painful choices with no seemingly good option.
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to say was, no. No when I wanted to say yes. No when I couldn’t put into words the love behind my no. No when I knew deep inside the corners of my heart the resentment that would follow from the no. No when God gave me direction for a no that others wouldn’t understand. No when I deeply desired to say yes and it fix everything. No. I said no. Weakly. Painfully. Firmly. Lovingly. But, no the same. No wasn’t wanted. No wasn’t appreciated. No was the hardest answer to give and the hardest answer to receive.
We endure the suffering of the moment by learning to peer beyond it. Which can be scary as we are approaching the edge of the waterfall without clear sight of the other side. So, we learn to trust. Trust a God that walked in our yesterday, is with us in the tattered raft of now, and knows exactly what choice we need to make that ensures a safe landing in the calm refreshing waters on the other side.
Psalm 25
To you, o Lord, I lift up my soul. I trust in you, my God
4, Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord, point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.
9, He leads the humble in what is right, teaching them his way. The Lord leads with unfailing love & faithfulness all those who keep his covenant and obey his decrees.
12, Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose. They will live in prosperity, and their children shall inherit the Promised Land.
The Lord gives us a promise. He will guide and direct our paths if we humble ourselves before him keeping his covenant and obeying his decrees.
Friend, along the journey of life we face very difficult decisions. Some that hurt so deep we struggle to describe the associated pain and fear. As we wrestle with the decision of the path to take when standing at the fork in the road. But our God says that when we fear him, humble ourselves before him, put our hope in him, and live right by him keeping his covenant that he not only guides our paths. He does so with unfailing love and faithfulness. In addition to that, our children will inherit the Promised Land!
Humble yourself before him.
Trust him.
Let him teach you.
Obey him.
His promises are good and faithful.
Bobbie
