As Long As There Is Breath

The journey of love for an addict is tumultuous and indescribable at times. Because the events are surreal even as you have personally experienced them. The elaborate conversations leave you to question your own perception of reality despite your very real presence in them. Life becomes an unintentional series of secrets. To utter the words of circumstances you find yourself within is too much because that would make them real. Real is too much.

Addiction is like acid to the soul, rotting the very core of who someone is from the inside out until what is seen barely resembles the person you know and love. The occasional glimpse of who they once were serves as a painful reminder of all that has been lost. 

You grieve the living although living becomes a questionable term to define their journey. 

Waves of grief crash along the shoreline of your heart eroding its existence suddenly in the most in opportune moments. Always.

Silent screams escape your life from the depth of your bowels while no one around you hears them. 

Tears soak your pillow waking you from sleep reminding you of the hollow ache in your chest that restricts even the slightest breaths. 

Frustration and anger overwhelms your hurt so big that guilt becomes your companion. 

As you find new ways to live the life you have been given despite the grief you carry, it never leaves. Its presence is right under the surface of every life moment. Good. Bad. Laughter. Simple things of life. Celebration of life. All of life. Its lurking in the corners of the room waiting for you to pass through its shadow reminding you of its presence. 

Addiction is acid to the soul. 

Addiction has many forms. The “thing” one is addicted to varies. Societal norms and acceptance of the addiction tends to assign degrees of shame to the story of the addict. But, reality is, addiction is the same even if culture says it’s not. 

Drugs • Alcohol • Gambling  • Sexual Immorality • Pornography • Lavish lifestyles • Money • Filthy language • Coarse jokes • Wild parties • Lying • Sin 

Addiction is the fact or condition of being addicted to a substance, thing, or activity. An addict is the person addicted to the substance, thing, or activity. All else in the life of an addict will take a back seat to the drive for satisfaction of the attaining the substance, thing, or activity (source) of addiction. 

Judgment is harsh yet so easy to give to an addict. Of course, judgment from the heart and mind of man is rendered in correlation to the perspective of the source of addiction. The length at which the addict will go to satisfy the addiction boggles the mind of those not addicted. Sacrifice of family, friends, themselves is the price tag for what once did not consume their every desire but now does. All the while the one who loves continues to grieve. 

Every well intentioned gift of advice is better left unsaid as it does no good. The life of an addict and those who love the addict, by the standards of this world, can seem hopeless. Oh, but my friend, we, do not rely on the ways and things of this world for our hope to be found. Even in the most destitute of circumstances. But, we must know how to fight the fight standing in victory long before we see the victory before us through the lens and limitations of our human eyes. 

You see, I am a God fearing, Holy Ghost filled, speaking in tongues daughter of the Most High. And with that, come rights and responsibilities. Let us talk about those things. 

The same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead lives inside of me (Romans 8:11). So, I fight my battles on my knees where I lay the burden of my soul at the feet of Jesus. The name above all names. Creator of all creation. The Holy One.  From the very depths of my soul as I cry out, He hears me. We speak in a language only he understands. (Ephesians 6:18) I crawl, at times, to the place where I find refuge in His shadow (Psalm 91:1). Boldly I proclaim promise of His goodness. I thank Him for His unfailing love. I come prayed up, fasted up, suited up, and praised up into the presence of the only one who knows exactly what is needed. I do what he has taught me to do. Call in what is not as though it were. In His Name. I walk in victory. Overwhelming victory to be exact. (Romans 8:37)

I also understand, a few things about how this works. 

For as long as there is breath; there is hope for the hopeless. 

God is Sovereign. He is good. He is worthy. Always. Even in the most dreadful of circumstances, his goodness remains unchanged (Exodus 3:14). God is a perfect gentleman. Man has free will to choose. Obedience. Submission. Denial. Rebellion. Man chooses. God loves. My prayers align with the understanding that God is not responsible for the choice of the addict I love. He calls. Gently. Lovingly. Mercifully. Graciously. He waits with long suffering(2 Peter 3:9). He does not deserve my blame or sad attempt at coercion to break their will violating their ability to choose. My love for Him is not dependent on the choices of others. 

God knows the intentions of the heart that lay hidden in the depths or corners unseen to you and I (Psalm 38:9). He is all knowing. There is work happening I cannot quite see. Hardness turning tender. Hurt healing. Anger replaced with forgiveness. The rare glimpse of who they once were is pale in comparison to the beauty of the masterpiece God sees them as. His love never fails even when mine falls short. His mercy is anew each morning with the provision they and I need to survive today. His mercy is covered in sweet grace which is abundantly more than either of us deserve. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

The wisdom of God is unsurpassable so much so my thoughts cannot even comprehend the slightest of His (Job 42:3). Though he knew every step to ever be taken before a single day had passed, his thoughts are precious and outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139). He knows exactly what is needed at the precise time before I even realize there is a need (Romans 8:26-27). The trials, tribulations, and temptations are coming yet before they come he has already made a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). If only we will choose the way he has made. 

Weapons will form yet will not prosper. Isaiah 54:17

He turns what is meant for harm into good. Genesis 50:20

As I rise from my knees to walk the journey before me, I know, that I walk with the Lord. I listen for his still small voice to guide me as I navigate setting boundaries in love, empowering not enabling, speaking life not death, clearing the path not being a stumbling block, and loving enough to remain tough when the heart misleads. (Proverbs 3:5)

Most importantly, in my weakest moment, submission to him, is my responsibility. A yielded flesh in weakness to an Almighty God brings strength, comfort, joy, healing, favor, blessing, and grace. His hand becomes the potter as he molds our lives of clay gently, beautifully, and whole into a masterpiece for His glory. If I will submit. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I do not shed tears in vain. The God of all creation stores my tears in a bottle. My God records every year I have shed in his book. As I plant through my tears a harvest of joy is coming. 

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:18-19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

You see, as we love and go to war on behalf of those we love, we know, that trouble may surround us but we are not defeated. We may be pressed down but we are not defeated. We are perplexed but do not live in despair. Our hope is not in this world or the things of this world. We are not helpless. We are not hopeless. 

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:7-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Our addict, we love, battles in the war of addiction. We, go before them, battling as warriors in the war for their soul. The soul is the goal. May we never forget. Bobbie