On this rainy dreary day, I am reminded that some of life’s days are rainy and dreary. Gray skies. Drops of rain consistently tapping on the window as I watch the steady stream of beads of water fall to the ledge where they only become lost in the puddles. Left without their identity. Absorbed. Consumed.
There are dreary days that turn into dreary weeks and sometimes even dreary months. Day after day, night after night, it is just one dreary meaningless moment after another. We go from dark of night to gray of day right back to dark of night. Where is the sun? Why does it hide from me? If I cannot have a glimpse of sunlight, can I at least get a white cloud? Something. Anything. More than gray blah skies.
Jireh.
You are enough.
Jireh.
I have never been loved more than I am right now.
It seems more than surreal to think that even in the dreariest seasons of my life, I am never loved more than I am right now by Jehovah Jireh. If I could bring myself to “feel” it, maybe, I would feel something. The null void of nothingness is a hollow lonely feeling. Difficult to describe.
Not sad.
Not hurt.
Just. Nothing.
It is in the nothingness that I find if I am not careful where I allow my mind to wander, things that do not belong come in.
*Fear. *Anxiety *Worry * Stress *Over-thinking *Worthlessness *Unloved *Loneliness * Isolation
Intrusive thoughts that take up housing in the precious space of my mind permeating the feelings of my heart until they become who I am although it is not who I am.
On the dreary days, I choose, where will I lean into. What will I feed? The feelings of void or the truth of who my Jireh is, for me.
I have never been loved more than I am right now.
The depth of this profound statement of truth is incomprehensible love the world cannot fathom. The words are difficult to absorb in the moment of a void where even a dull ache would be welcomed. Something to know there is life. Nothing feels void of life. Hurt, at least feels.
So… where will I turn to find my place of feeling? When the act of breathing seems too onerous to accomplish. A burden. Exhausting.
Often, I have heard people, albeit well-intentioned profess the need to push into reading your Bible more, praying harder, and pushing through. Those are ALL very true things I should be doing EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I do. Truth be told, there are days, I do these things to what feels like no avail. The emptiness remains.
In these days, I bring myself to Truth.
I whisper His Name.
I whisper The Name.
I refuse to stop whispering His Name until I feel His Presence, His Peace, His Calm, His Comfort bring me to a place where I can say, I have never been loved more than I am right now.
And there are days, when I whisper His Name over and over and over and over again. So much so that one would wonder, as I sometimes do, if something is wrong with me because I have whispered His Name almost as often as I have taken breaths today.
But…
He
Becomes
My
Breath.
Genesis 2:7; John 20:22; Romans 8:26
Jesus, the sweet Name of Jesus, becomes my breath of life today.
You see, his love is unfailing, unconditional, unwavering, and unchanging.
When I “feel” like it. And. When I don’t. He remains constant.
He is Jehovah Jireh. My provision. As I lay my greatest treasures on the altar of sacrifice to him, he provides the sacrifice.
He is my Healer. (Matthew 4:24)
He is my Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)
He is my Comforter. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
He is my Helper. (Psalm 46:1)
He is my Shepherd. (Psalm 23:1)
He is my Feeling when I have none. (Hebrews 4:15-16)
Jehovah Jireh is more than the provider of my material needs in this temporal world. He is the provider of my soul’s needs. Every. Aspect.
Nothing is wrong with me.
Jesus is my everything.
All day.
Sunny days.
Dreary days.
All. My. Days.
Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means the Lord will provide). To this day, people still use that name as a proverb: “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”
Genesis 22:14 NLT
In love,
Bobbie
