I remember the birth of each of my children down to the minute detail of each aspect. I can tell birthing stories with the best of them. The pain, contractions, intensity of emotions, anxious feelings, exhaustion, and hours of labor. The overwhelming excitement with the final push that took my breath away while erasing every single excruciating moment of labor from my memory. My birth story.
As I watched them grow I made my fair share of mistakes. Over the years, at times, I made more than my fair share. Often I wondered if one of us wouldn’t survive the teenage years. I was convinced either I would kill them or they would kill me from the stress of it all. Curfews. Dating. Friends. Discipline. School. Sports. Trouble. Life. Ever evolving life.
My desire was to love them enough to be their parent even when it was hard and unpopular. Teach them right from wrong. Empower them to know their worth far beyond the limitations of their own fears. Shield them from enough pain they wouldn’t be damaged but not so much they would be left weak. Instill a good moral compass that led them down a path of faith and good decisions. Release them into the world ready to face the harsh realities of the world ahead with thick skin, grit, and determination. Success. I desired for them to be successful.
The older they grew the more I realized how ill prepared I was to release them. Instead of intentional preparation for all the ways I wanted to build them for success I found myself frantically trying to shelter them. Fearful of the world around them. The ugly of the world I couldn’t keep from them. I feared for their safety. Physical. Emotional. Mental. Spiritual. They were vulnerable. I had failed.
Unfortunately, I failed and I couldn’t hit the button for a do-over.
The world had become increasingly ugly. Friends influenced their lives in ways I never imagined possible. I feared they would find themselves on the wrong side of the law and I wouldn’t be able to save them. I feared they would trust someone who would violate their trust and hurt them in ways they would struggle to recover from. I feared they would fail at life and it would be my fault. I feared they would be left with traumatic scars from all those fair share of mistakes I made as their mom. I feared.
Most of all, I feared that I had always assumed I would have time to teach them Jesus in their formidable years but I blinked and realized that time was past. I feared for their eternal home long past the short time they reside on this temporary earth. I feared for the price tag of a busy distracted life, being their soul. A hefty price to pay. One I never would have intentionally paid especially not at their expense. Of all the things I feared as their momma, this was a valid fear. A direct result of the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. A busy distracted life that talked about Jesus but failed to live Jesus.
Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 and reflection can be a good thing. The second half of my life is much different than the first half. There are a few things along this journey I’ve come to realize. Well, transparently, more than a few things. For the purpose of this blog, I’ll narrow it down to a couple.
I am, as their momma, doing one of two things. I am leading my children to Christ. Or I am leading them away from Christ.
There is no middle road. The middle road is wide and easy. Logically that’s why so many find it. My Bible tells me, the road to Christ is narrow. Again, logically, that is why few find their way to it.
If, I, as their momma, am going to lead them to Christ, I have to find the narrow path first, myself. Then lead them along it. It is impossible for me to find the narrow path to Christ if I am not pursuing Christ pushing aside and separating myself from the things of this world. If I am leaning into the things of this world. Their narrative. Their movements. Their ways. Looking to the world to be my hope. Then the world is where I will lead them. Even if I talk about Jesus while I do it.
“Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. Don’t participate in the things these people do. For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.””
Ephesians 5:6-14 NLT
Two Sides: One Goal
There are two opposing forces in this world. The two sides are at war. Always. There is but one goal. One prize. One territory being fought over. Our soul. Your soul. The soul of your children. The soul is the goal. Nothing more. Nothing less. The war between good and evil fights for the soul. Not the car we drive. House we live in. Career we have. Number of children. White picket fence. Acreage we own. The soul.
Those other things are important and worthy of our prayer seeking direction and wisdom from God in. They just are not the goal of the war at hand. The war for our souls. Where we will spend eternity. Heaven. Hell. Eternal rest in the presence of Almighty God. Eternal suffering in the lake of fire tormented forevermore. Where will eternity be. The soul is the goal.
I have spent the first half of my life talking a lot about Jesus. Who he is with an intense focus on biblically based morals to guide life. Rule oriented. Go here. Do not go there. Say this. Not that. Wear this. Do not wear that. Do that but do not do this. Be respectful of authority. Do not break the law. Be productive. Stay away from drugs. Do not steal. Earn an honest living. Care for your family. Love your children selflessly. Be faithful. Rules. Good rules. A life I attempted to role model with an intentional pursuit of being good.
The second half of my life has evolved into a much different focus. Before you worry, let me reassure you, I still focus on being good. I strive to role model a good lifestyle for my family and others. My approach is just different than before. Because I have learned along the way, talk is cheap and actions speak volumes.
As a momma, I worry, that my children will suffer for my shortcomings. And I have plenty of them. More than I care to acknowledge let alone say out loud. Those are the facts.
The Second Half
If I am going to teach my children, family, friends, and others, Jesus, then I have to do more than talk about him. I have to know him. If I know him I will exemplify who he is with my actions which speaks volumes heard loud and clear above the background noise of cheap talk.
In order to know him better I have to invest time and energy into the relationship. Study his Word. Submit my innermost self to him. Spend time talking with him. Because then I will develop an intimate relationship with Jesus that no one and nothing can take from me. This will allow me to confidently trust in his goodness. Stand on the solid rock of who he is when life around me shakes with tremors. Let him anchor me securely in the truth of who he is when the storms of life are raging as waves violently crash against my boat rocking it to and fro. When the face of the angry mob demands that as a Christian I lean into their worldly beliefs, narrative, movement, and satanic religions, I, if I KNOW Jesus, will stand firm without waver even if my knees wobble and my voice cracks because I stand alone. As I stand “alone” I will remember Jesus is in the fiery furnace with me as he was for Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
I will face the fire of this world with a soul on fire for the only thing that matters, Jesus Christ.
That, my fellow mommas, will be what leads your children to Jesus. Your actions. Your words alone, never will.
“Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.”
Colossians 3:10-11 NLT
Christ is ALL that matters
“There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, in all, and living through all.”
Ephesians 4:5-6 NLT
